


throes of insanity

by jongin_isms



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Gen, Horror, M/M, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, not exactly sure what this is or what I'm doing, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-08 14:34:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11648586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jongin_isms/pseuds/jongin_isms
Summary: "There's a fine line where nightmares meet reality," Jongin tells him quietly. Kyungsoo stares. He doesn't understand."Do Kyungsoo," Jongin laughs, smiling wide. "I am that line."





	throes of insanity

 

"Just- before you go in, I should warn you." The psychiatrist looked at him with guarded eyes, pulling Kyungsoo to the side of the hallway. "Jongin is very..." He trailed off, searching for the right words. "I've never seen anything like him. With the schizophrenia and all, he sees and hears things. Yes, that happens to all patients with that illness, but Jongin... Jongin takes it to another level." He pauses to look down the length of the dark hallway, as if he was making sure no one was listening. "He scares everyone, even the doctors are terrified to go near him. We keep him pretty far off from everyone else for a reason, Kyungsoo." Kyungsoo's palms were sweating more and more by the second as he looked at the man in front of him. "You tell me this now?" He hissed, as a loud bang comes from the other side of the wall. Jongin's room. Kyungsoo takes in a shaky breath, stepping away from the wall. "He says and does some strange things sometimes, just don't let him get you all freaked out too fast." He nods, thanking him before being left alone to stare at the door with the warning sign on it. He noticed that the words 'Kim Jongin' were scratched into it, perhaps with a rusty nail, behind the bars that adorned the full length of the door. Kyungsoo figured that they hadn't replaced the door because they knew that Jongin would just do it again.

He raises the key up to the lock, it nearly slipping out of his hands from all of the sweat and how badly they're shaking. He twists the doorknob, slowly pushing the door open to reveal a room with white walls, lines of red here and there. There was a bed against the wall, all sorts of restraints and straps attached to the headboard and metal sides. He noticed a straight jacket lying in the corner, ripped to shreds, and he nearly faints. There was a single window, some of the glass cracked, spider-webbing out to the corners, but not enough for it to actually break.  
And then, he saw him.  
The infamous Kim Jongin, sitting on the floor, back facing Kyungsoo. He swallowed, stepping back to press himself against the door. He was wearing a white shirt with a huge gash across the back of it, as if someone had taken a knife and sliced it up, and ripped black pants.  
"K-Kim Jongin?" He stuttered, voice shaking on every syllable. "I-I'm Do Kyungsoo, your new doctor." Jongin didn't move a muscle, still turned away from him. Kyungsoo took a hesitant step closer, knees shaking. The floor didn't creak, but somehow Jongin sensed that he moved and he slowly turned his head. His eyes were dark, and blood was running down his chin. Kyungsoo only stared, paralyzed with fear, every nerve in his body telling him to run. He stepped back to stand against the door again, hand fumbling for the knob, his fingers clasping onto it once he had found it. It's then that he realizes the red on the walls is blood.  
"Are you afraid?" Jongin spoke, a hint of amusement in his voice. The words came out slowly, drawled out and deep, each one sinking into Kyungsoo's mind like legs sink into quicksand. Jongin brought a pale hand up to his face and wiped the blood away, only to have another stream of it run from his mouth and all the way down his neck. He looked down at his fingers, studying the crimson smeared onto them, a sickening smile curving onto his lips as he looked up at Kyungsoo through his eyelashes.  
Kyungsoo couldn't bring himself to say a word, his throat tight; his chest tighter. Jongin brought each finger up to his lips, sticking each one into his mouth slowly, licking the red off of them one at a time. Kyungsoo blinked his eyes rapidly.  
"Well, Mr. Do Kyungsoo," he says, malice etched into his voice.  
"Just so you know," He paused to look behind him quickly, as if he had heard someone call his name.  
"I'm only a little bit insane." He laughed hysterically, eyes dark and wild, as even more blood dripped down and out of his mouth.  
He stood up, stumbling over to Kyungsoo frighteningly quickly. He stopped in front of him, looking into his eyes, placing his palms on the wall behind him, barricading him in.  
Kyungsoo was petrified, not believing that he was now face to face with the man that he had heard so many terrifying stories about. Kim Jongin may be crazy, but God, was he beautiful. He shook terribly under Jongin's sinister gaze and he figured that his eyes gave away his fear, considering from what Jongin said next.  
"You're scared, aren't you?" He murmured, stumbling back and onto the bed. He hung his head, squeezing his eyes shut as he gritted his teeth and pulled violently at his hair. Jongin looked up. Kyungsoo shook his head frantically, trying to swallow his fear.  
"No?" Jongin asked incredulously, a smirk curving onto his lips. He felt liquid leak from his eyes before he had a chance to think about it, watching it drip down onto the white bedsheets. Blood. Throwing his head back, he cackled, and Kyungsoo wanted to throw up. He brought his head forward, looking at Kyungsoo with crazed bloodshot eyes, as the crimson continued to stream down his cheeks.  
He snickered, as the red reached his lips and the metallic taste of blood filled his mouth.  
"I bet you are now."  
-  
This was Do Kyungsoo's first encounter with Kim Jongin.  
-  
Kyungsoo doesn't sleep that night. He lays awake, the image of blood running down Jongin's cheeks replays again and again in his mind, haunting him into the morning. Even then, it doesn't go away. He goes into work bleary-eyed, his body there; his mind, not really. He found the psychiatrist from the day before in the lounge and pulled him out into the hallway, dragging him into his office. He never did catch his name, but he can't bring himself to care. "He cries blood." The man looks at him. "What?" Kyungsoo runs his shaky fingers through messy hair, looking around the room frantically. With quivering lips, he says it again, voice catching on his name. "Jongin. He cries blood." He attempts to rub the sleep out of his eyes, when he feels a hand on his arm. "Kyungsoo, it's physically impossible to cry blood. You just- can't." The psychiatrist breathes, looking at him and wondering why he's so exhausted. He doesn't ask, because he has a few ideas. "Well, he does. I saw it with my own eyes." The man sighs, giving Kyungsoo a pat on the back. "You're seeing things, then. Is he already rubbing off on you? You only met him yesterday." Kyungsoo shrugs his hand off of his shoulder, shaking his head.  
-  
"I'm not crazy." He says under his breath. "That's his job."  
-  
Later that night, somewhere around the hour of 9:00 PM, Kyungsoo heads over to Jongin's room again. Just looking at the door makes him want to turn around and sprint as far away as he could. He's already feeling lightheaded, vision fading to black around the edges, as he takes out the key once again. It is completely black, the initials 'KJ' imprinted on it in red. He unlocks the door, only opening it enough to have his eyes land on Jongin. He was sitting on the bed, facing the door, as if he was waiting for him. His heart stops momentarily, and he looks into Jongin's eyes in silence. He's frozen, his hand still on the doorknob, the other gripping onto the wall.  
"Hi, Jongin." He says carefully, taking a step into the room and closing the door behind him. He keeps the key in his hand.  
"How are you feeling tonight?"  
Jongin only stared at him blankly, his face stoic, showing not even a sliver of emotion. There were dried red tracks down his cheeks, only reminding Kyungsoo that the night before was as real as ever.  
Jongin leans to his left, as if he was listening to someone whisper in his ear.  
He nods then, lips turning up into an unnerving smile.  
"I know, I see it too." And he giggles - a sound that Kyungsoo will definitely hear in his nightmares - to the invisible person next to him.  
Kyungsoo feels a chill run down his spine.  
"Who are you...uh talking to?" He asks with a tentative smile, though really, he's scared out of his mind.  
Jongin looks back at him, eyes turning that familiar dark hue from the night before.  
"Leave." Jongin hisses, lips pulling back in a snarl.  
"You have to take your medication." Kyungsoo replies calmly, pulling the pills out of his lab coat. His hands are shaking, and the eerie silence of the room isn't helping.  
Jongin's standing in a second, taking a step towards him, and when Kyungsoo looks up, he's so startled that he drops the container and the pills go everywhere, scattering across the floor of the room. With each stride Jongin takes forward, he steps on them, and they crush easily underneath his weight, even though he's barefoot.  
"Medication doesn't do a thing." He spits, and Kyungsoo prays that he doesn't start bleeding from his mouth again.  
"Pills can't help me." He states, taking another step.  
"Nothing can." He breathes, voice dropping an octave lower.  
Kyungsoo is against the wall before he knows it, and Jongin's breath is hot on his neck, and he feels like he's suffocating.  
"You can't help me, either." He whispers into his ear.  
"No one can." And he laughs, though to Kyungsoo, it sounds more like a sob.  
Jongin leans down to pick up one of the pills that hasn't been turned into dust, and holds it up to Kyungsoo's lips.  
"Open." He smiles, eyes trained on Kyungsoo's expression.  
Kyungsoo is trembling, and he shakes his head, turning his face away towards the door. Jongin brings his hand up to Kyungsoo's chin, turning his head so he could look at him again, and Kyungsoo flinches at how cold his fingers are.  
"Open." Jongin repeats, voice flat and harsh.  
And Kyungsoo does, because he knows that if he doesn't, there would be consequences.  
Jongin shoves it into his mouth, and Kyungsoo swallows, almost choking when he suddenly remembers that he still had a sedative syringe in his jacket.  
Jongin's breathing hard now, getting himself worked up over something Kyungsoo can't quite understand.  
He pulls the syringe out of his pocket, and brings it up to the side of Jongin's neck, swiftly puncturing the skin, and his eyes glaze over. He looks at Kyungsoo and smiles before falling to his knees and slumping to the floor.  
"You'll sleep for a few hours now. You won't feel a thing."  
Kyungsoo tells him, before picking him up and laying him down on the bed.  
This is the first time he notices that Jongin's hair is white. He could swear that it was brown last night, but he all he remembers from then is blood.  
'What did he do to it?' Kyungsoo wonders to himself. 'He had to have bleached it. Bleached it so many times that it turned stark white. But how the hell did he get his hands on bleach?'  
Kyungsoo concludes that he doesn't want to know.  
He also concludes that Jongin is fascinating.  
-  
Before he closes the door, he looks behind him to make sure Jongin is out cold.  
Kyungsoo is still watches him for a minute, and when Jongin's eyes open wide, dread settles in the pit of his stomach.  
A taunting look crosses the patient's face, mocking him, as if to say 'I told you nothing works."  
Sedative drugs are supposed to put a person to sleep and make them numb, and Jongin was definitely not supposed to be able to open his eyes, but of course, he did.  
'He's inhuman.' Kyungsoo thinks to himself.  
He walks out of the room and leaves Jongin alone, wanting desperately to just be in the safe confines of his home.  
He makes sure to lock the door.  
-  
He also makes a mental note of getting him another straight jacket - one that wasn't torn to shreds.  
-  
Jongin is laughing when Kyungsoo pins him down on the bed the next night.  
"Playtime, huh?" Jongin muses, continuing to giggle when Kyungsoo cuffs the restraints onto his wrists.  
"Stay." Kyungsoo says, his voice wavering a bit.  
Jongin nods, a look of amusement crossing his face, and he bites down on his bottom lip.  
Kyungsoo walks out of the room and locks the door behind him, practically sprinting down the hallway and into the storage room.  
He grabs the first straight jacket he sees, one adorned with metal straps, locks and zippers. He rummages through the racks and shelves of medicine, looking for more sedation drugs. Once he gets his hands on them, he runs back to the room at the end of the dark hallway.  
When he opens the door, the sight before him nearly makes him faint.  
Jongin is leaning against the wall, smiling, and rolling out his wrists when Kyungsoo walks in, his eyes glazed over and bloodshot.  
"This is the most fun I've had in a long time, Soo."  
Kyungsoo's stomach drops.  
He doesn't like the nickname, he doesn't like the way it rolls off Jongin's tongue, because it sounds like he has darker intentions when he says it, and it makes his head spin.  
There's no possible way he could have gotten out of the metal cuffs.  
"Jongin, just lay back down on the bed, okay?"  
He speaks slowly, enunciating every word so the patient understands what he's saying.  
"And why should I?"  
Jongin's voice is gravelly, and Kyungsoo shivers, because he can feel the words run down his spine.  
"You need to take your medication." He begins looking through his pockets for the correct syringe.  
Jongin sighs dramatically and looks at him.  
"I could kill you, you know."  
Kyungsoo freezes.  
"I could kill you just like I killed my family."  
Kyungsoo swallows audibly, face paling.  
When he looks up at Jongin, his eyes are completely black, and Kyungsoo has the right mind to scream, but he doesn't, because he knows that none of the other nurses or doctors need to be greeted by this sight.  
"Jongin- you're-"  
"If you were even the slightest bit intelligent, you'd leave. _Now._ "  
And Kyungsoo does, locking every single lock on the door, and double-checking to make sure there was no possible way he could get out.  
He realizes that he's still holding the straight jacket, and he decides to just bring it home, because there is no way he is going back into Kim Jongin's room tonight.  
-  
Kyungsoo goes home that night and doesn't sleep for a minute. He's too busy trying to figure out the puzzle that is Kim Jongin. It's around eleven in the evening, and his head is resting on top of his arms, eyes nearly closed when the phone rings.  
He nearly jumps out of his skin and knocks the phone off the counter, sending it crashing to the floor. He picks it up, fumbling with the buttons until he hears a confused "Hello?" on the other side of the line. He recognizes the voice to be the psychiatrist's, who's name he still hasn't learned, and still really doesn't care to know. He holds the phone up to his ear and replies with a drowsy and slightly irritated 'Do Kyungsoo speaking.'  
"Ah, Kyungsoo, it's Dr. Jung from the hospital."  
'So that's his name.' Kyungsoo thinks to himself.  
"I just wanted to check in with you. How are things with Kim Jongin...?" He questions, sounding slightly concerned.  
"Oh, hi!" He pretends to perk up, going to sit down on the couch.  
"Things are, uh...things are..he's um.." Kyungsoo doesn't know what to say.  
"He's...he's...out of his mind. One second he's okay, and the next, he goes insane, talking into thin air, and just bleeding out of nowhere, and to be honest, it's terrifying. I don't think the image of blood pouring out of his eyes will ever leave my mind."  
Dr. Jung sighs. "I know, I'm sorry you had to see that. His mood changes very quickly, he has a lot of problems, schizophrenia isn't the only one..." He trails off.  
"The main reason why I called is because...well, there a few things that I didn't tell you about Kim Jongin."  
Kyungsoo feels his heart rate increase.  
"Jongin likes to create art...on the walls. With blood. His blood."  
"Art? What kind of art?" Kyungsoo's voice trembles.  
"Art...like drawings of things. Things that he sees, I assume."  
"Well...on the first night, there were streaks of blood on the wall. Really nice thing to be greeted by. The fact that the walls are white only makes it worse." Kyungsoo replies.  
Dr. Jung chuckles a bit, understanding Kyungsoo's sick humor.  
"I see." He says, continuing with his list of precautions.  
"Jongin's eyes are another thing. Sometimes, they're just completely black. I've seen it, it's pretty horrifying, but it happens. And sometimes they're red and bloodshot. I don't know how he does it."  
Kyungsoo shivers and remembers the sight, playing with the loose threads on the pillow to his left to distract himself.  
"Yeah, I- I already know about that one..."  
"Oh," Dr. Jung replies. "So soon?"  
"Uh-huh." He confirms, not dwelling on it.  
"How long have you known him?" Kyungsoo can't help but ask curiously.  
"About two years?" The man on the line says in a questioning tone, as if he wasn't really sure himself. Two years is quite a while.  
"Jongin has been in that hospital for about seven, and in that same room for six. He was once in the general area with all of the other patients, but they noticed Jongin was a bit...different. And so, now he's in that secluded, barricaded room, at the far end of the asylum like a wild animal."  
Kyungsoo nods.  
"And one more, uh..." He trails off, voice sounding muffled and far away from the phone.  
"Jongin loves knives."  
The line is dead before Kyungsoo can reply.  
-  
Two weeks pass. Two weeks, and Kyungsoo visits Jongin every single night. They talk into the early hours of the morning about the past, present, and future, and Kyungsoo takes notes on his clipboard because everything Kim Jongin says is worth noting.  
He needs to find out more about this man, he needs to dig deep, but he has to do it without making Jongin lose it.  
He has to ask him about his family, why he did what he did to them, and what made him the way he is now. He needs to know what happened in Jongin's past, if he had any good friends, what his hobbies were, if he ever had a job, what schools he attended.  
Something tells Kyungsoo that he wouldn't get very far that night.  
He was treading on dangerous ground the second he walked in the door.  
-  
"Can you tell me anything about yourself, Jongin?" Kyungsoo hesitantly asks one night when the silence becomes too deafening.  
He's noticed that he tends to visit the patient at night instead of during the day, and he isn't sure why, but he figures that it's because all words and actions become different and deeper at night.  
Jongin fiddles with his fingers in his lap, twisting and turning them back and forth. They sit in silence until Jongin murmurs something under his breath. Kyungsoo can only make out the word 'dancer', as it slipped from Jongin's lips, and he's left with his thoughts running wild.  
"Say that again?" Kyungsoo offers, his words rushed, and Jongin's head snaps up.  
"I- I was a dancer." He whispers again, voice low and shaking.  
"Dance for me." Kyungsoo says breathlessly, wanting so desperately to see the way Jongin's body moves.  
Jongin's eyes go wide, and he's in disbelief that Kyungsoo is actually asking him to do this.  
"I- I haven't- It's been y-"  
"Dance for me, please."  
There's something about the desperation and need in Kyungsoo's voice that makes Jongin's heart beat faster and his head spin, the voices becoming more pronounced, and before he even realizes it, he's standing in middle of the room, facing Kyungsoo, eyes closed.  
Kyungsoo can't believe he actually listened.  
Before Jongin even moves a muscle, Kyungsoo is in awe, because he can see it all. He can see Jongin gliding across a grand stage, red lights illuminating every beautifully sculpted feature of his face.  
And Jongin begins.  
There isn't any music playing, and there really doesn't need to be any for Kyungsoo to hear it perfectly.  
The music comes straight from Jongin's chest.  
As he moves, tears form at the corners of Kyungsoo's eyes because he can feel Jongin's pain.  
He can feel his pain in the way his hands claw at his chest, and in the way his eyebrows furrow. He can feel it in the way he throws his head back, as if he were trying to shake the voices away, and in the way his eyes squeeze shut.  
For Jongin, he's in blind agony. It hurts because he hasn't danced in years and he's remembering things he doesn't want to remember.  
His hands are everywhere, running through his hair, along his face, and down his torso.  
Jongin spins on his left foot endlessly, as he is thrown backwards into his past, the memories sweeping over him like a tidal wave, and he's drowning.  
He's drowning for the thousandth time in his life, and there is no escape. There never has been an escape, nor will there ever be an escape.  
**You can't escape from yourself.**  
-  
It hurts, and the water that is seeping into his lungs is just air, but Jongin can't bring himself to believe that.  
'Ballet' is the word that comes to Kyungsoo's mind as Jongin twirls. He stares, as Jongin's facial expressions warp over and over; bliss and agony mixing together to create a look that Kyungsoo can't quite describe. Jongin's features change constantly, and Kyungsoo gawks at how easy he makes it look.  
First his face screams 'pain', and then the screams die down to a whisper of 'grave', and a haunted look ghosts over Jongin's eyes, and in a second, it's gone.  
His mind commands him to contort his face to match these words, and he listens, because Jongin is afraid. He is afraid of his own mind, and he realizes this when his eyes catch Kyungsoo's.  
His face turns impassive, completely blank as he continues to jerk his body every which way.  
He's lost in his head and his thoughts seem to be swirling around him like a cyclone.  
He can see the fine print right in front of him, the word 'stop' passing in front of his eyes numerous times, when he realizes he has a show to put on.  
A show for an audience of one.  
He looks to Kyungsoo, and everything becomes clear again, his feet moving to the rhythm inside of his head. He dances with a purpose, with a certain grace and confidence that could not be replicated by just any human being. It had to be Kim Jongin, and thank God it was, because Kyungsoo wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Kyungsoo felt that it was a blessing to watch Jongin dance. He felt that it could cure the worst of diseases, that it could bring people back to life, that it could make you feel more alive than ever before.  
Jongin looks up and throws the doctor a look so intense, that Kyungsoo's head falls back and hits the wall behind him, and he winces. The pain doesn't even register, and he can't bring himself to look away, because he's so enthralled by Jongin and his breathtaking body. The aura that surrounds him is so alluring, so captivating, that Kyungsoo prays for this show to never end.  
Jongin's eyes narrow, eyebrows pivoting downwards, and he smirks. His perfect teeth show slightly as he runs his tongue over his top lip, a bloodthirsty look prominent on his features, and Jongin is back, but he's in agony.  
He's in agony, and he just wants it all to stop, so he does.  
His legs betray him, and he falls to his knees one at a time, each with a loud bang, and his whole body slumps forward, head hung and hair covering his face.  
Jongin then throws his head back and lets out the most tortured cry that Kyungsoo has ever heard, a cry that could only come from the deepest and darkest recesses of the mind, and all of Kyungsoo's tears finally fall, cascading down his face slowly.  
Jongin's hands are trembling, his fingers curling into his palms, and his body falls forward once again.  
"Deep breath," are the two words that slip from Jongin's dry lips and Kyungsoo isn't sure if it's the title of something or if he's just trying to calm himself down.  
He sets his palms down on the floor in front of him, and he looks up at Kyungsoo with gritted teeth, an agonized expression on his face. There's a sheen of sweat covering his forehead, but his features soften when he sees the tears rolling down the doctor's cheeks.  
"You're incredible," Kyungsoo mumbles without thinking, and Jongin's eyes harden, and he squints at the man in front of him.  
Jongin moves a few inches closer, reaching a hesitant hand out to him. Kyungsoo only stares at the patient, corners of his mouth faltering as he tries to smile.  
"Why are you crying?" Jongin whispers hoarsely, moving even closer, and Kyungsoo is in pure disbelief when Jongin's rough thumbs come up to wipe under his eyes.  
Kyungsoo shakes his head, mind reeling from the contact and stomach in knots, as he breathes in deeply. 'Maybe that's what he meant by 'Deep breath',' Kyungsoo thinks to himself.  
'Or maybe not.'  
The look on Jongin's face is unreadable.  
"I'm fine, Jongin." He says, standing up and dusting off his jacket.  
Jongin stands up too, eyes never leaving the tears running down Kyungsoo's face.  
It bothers him, it bothers him and he doesn't understand why.  
"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"  
And for the first time ever, Jongin doesn't want Kyungsoo to leave.  
Before Kyungsoo walks out the door, Jongin walks over to his bed and lays down on it in an attempt to convince Kyungsoo that he would go to sleep. Of course, he wasn't actually going to, but he knew that if he showed Kyungsoo this, it would make him feel better. He turns on his side and faces the wall, trying to shut off his mind. Before he hears the door close, he turns his head and smirks.  
"See you tomorrow, Soo."  
A chill runs down Kyungsoo's spine, and strangely enough, it feels good, and he swallows, closing the door and locking it behind him.  
-  
Do Kyungsoo hopes - he prays - that that night would not be the last time he would have the pleasure of seeing Kim Jongin dance.  
-

**Author's Note:**

> a drabble I've been working on. maybe you guys can tell me what you think?


End file.
